using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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