seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
