i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
