are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
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all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
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dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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