she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize