U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
