Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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