Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
