FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
