I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
