hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
