Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
