You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I need to align my fucking chakras
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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