marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Farmville is her only friend.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
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