So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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