Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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