So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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