the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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