just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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