Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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