Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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