Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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