Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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