The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
