Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
