Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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