whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
In other news, I just burned my penis
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
