Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Randomize
