"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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