I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
