what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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