Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
