Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
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I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
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Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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