I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
