Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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