i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
