Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
