we have pet lesbian snakes
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
