I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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