Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
