Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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