I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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