I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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