By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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