The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
