I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
