new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
