Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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