I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
