I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
His nipple licking is glorious
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