That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
