During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
