you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
