I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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