now i know why i became what i already was.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
