census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
