I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
