I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
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JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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