the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
