I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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