if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
