Non-Jews are for practice
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
