it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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