It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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