After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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