Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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