You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
