Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
