I didn't shave. On purpose
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
