its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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