Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
