I feel great
I just peed on a car
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
