Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
