whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
