I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
