yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
