have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
