I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse