This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole