it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i think i have herpe
just one?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
